Another Thai wife horror story
Published: November 2, 2021 - Reading time: 13 minutes
» Updated: June 15, 2024
There are many horror stories posted online which relate to Thai wives and Thai girlfriends. Many will attribute this to a percentage of foreign men meeting their partners in Thailand’s notorious nightlife industry. Although relationships with ladies from all different walks of life can still end badly, if you form a serious relationship with a lady that previously worked at a beer bar, a go-go bar, massage parlour, disco, or club, then the potential for this to happen might be considerably higher.
Quite simply, if your partner has decided that they are going to try and extract as much money from you as possible, then you might find yourself falling vulnerable to a romance scam.
What follows is a story that was sent to us by a previous client. Mike, as we will call him here, has asked us to publish this story as a warning to others.
Please note that all contact with us is 100% private and confidential. Mike has asked us to share the following story on our blog in order to try and prevent other people from having similar experiences. We never publish any information from our clients without their clear written permission.
Ian, thanks for giving me a platform to detail my plight, I hope that it can serve as a warning to any other guys that find themselves in a similar position.
I originally met my Thai wife through an internet dating site. She was 9 years younger than me, had a slim figure and I found her very attractive.
After we met through the dating site, we hit it off and were texting/calling each other every day. This continued for 7 months until I had the opportunity to fly out to Thailand and meet her.
May had told me that she worked in a restaurant and shared a room with another lady. After arriving in Thailand, it became clear that she was working at a bar which also served food. As it was my first visit to Thailand, I was quite naive and did not realize that she was a bar girl and effectively working as a prostitute.
Anyway, I had a great time with her and stayed in Thailand for 4 weeks. On my last week there I proposed to her and we got engaged. I started to send her money so that she could stop working in the bar, and she found a job at a café instead.
I visited Thailand every year while we went through the process of planning our wedding and applying for a visa for her to live in the United States. I would spend at least one or two months with her every year in Thailand.
During my second trip to Thailand, I visited her family’s house which was very basic and in some ways primitive. Her family had no electric shower for example, they used a bowl to throw cold water over themselves.
Her family home had a rusty tin roof that leaked when it rained and a concrete floor covered by odd pieces of ripped linoleum.
I felt sorry for her family and while we were there I paid for them to have a new aluminium roof, new tiled floor, new wash room, and rewired it completely. Later on, that year I would give her father 360,000 THB to purchase a tractor so that he could earn money working on the rice fields. We also bought a pickup truck.
After returning from this trip to Thailand it became apparent to me that I was not going to be able to get her a visa to live with me in the States. I decided that I would give up my job and move to Thailand instead.
Some months passed, and I went back to Thailand to spend more time with her. While I was there I decided to purchase a plot of land in her village. This land cost 430,000 THB and was to be the site of a house that I would build for us to live in. As I was not allowed to own the land, it was put in May’s name, of course I trusted her totally at this point.
May’s family farmed cattle and she had convinced me to build a large barn where we would raise pigs. We had planned to keep 40-50 pigs within this barn which would produce an income for us to live on.
I returned back to the States and within 3 weeks May had sent me architect drawings for our new house. I started to send her money, first it was $14,000 as a deposit for the builders and to start constructing the foundations and the concrete shell of the building.
The concrete posts were quickly erected and I sent more money for the roof and brickwork to get underway.
Building houses in Thailand is much cheaper than in the United States, however it still costs a reasonable amount if you are looking for a good Western style building.
Within 8 months the house was completely finished and I was getting ready to return back to Thailand and make preparations for my move over there.
Just 5 days before the flight, May asked me to send her an extra $10,000 for furniture and finishing touches on the house. I sent it. Including land, the house cost me approximately $86,000 US dollars, or around 2.9 million baht.
Everything was great at this point. My house was finished and I was finally going back to Thailand to see it and get married to May.
Soon enough I found myself in the arrivals hall of Bangkok airport once again. However, this time May was not there to greet me. I walked around the airport for over an hour and could not find her anywhere.
In the end I left the airport and got a hotel room close to the airport. I tried to call May and each time her phone would hang up after one ring. I sent her messages; they were unopened and she never responded to me.
I had spoken to her just before the flight and I was becoming more and more worried. I stayed in the hotel for 6 nights and could not get a hold of her during that time. I thought, what if she has had an accident? What if she is dead or in hospital?
Eventually I booked a taxi to drive me from Bangkok up to her village. It was a 6 hour drive and the taxi could not drive down the rutted dirt track to her parent’s house.
After I had walked down the track, I discovered that a new brick wall had been erected around the property which was topped with barbed wire. The gate was locked. I could see lights on at the house and shouted to get their attention but no-one came out.
I thought maybe May was at our house instead. We drove across the village to the plot of land that I had purchased, where our house now stood.
I remember the location vividly as the land was directly opposite the village school and had a view over the local water reservoir.
We arrived at the land I had purchased and there was nothing besides a pile of dirt. I walked around the area and there was no sign of construction anywhere.
May had sent me photos of the house as it was being built. She sent me photos of the foundations being poured, the concrete posts and cross beams being installed, the floors, roof, everything. But I was standing in the middle of this field and there was no house to be seen.
I thought that there must be some type of misunderstanding. I found a ‘resort’ close to the village to stay at overnight. In the morning I would come back to the village and find May.
The next day I revisited her parent’s house, the gate was locked again. I shouted to get their attention but didn’t see anyone.
Eventually I made my way to the local village shop where I sat down and bought a bottle of Thai whiskey. I was drinking to myself when a woman approached me speaking broken English. She told me that May had gone to work in Pattaya, and that she was previously living in her parent’s house with a man from Holland called Thomas.
I couldn’t, and didn’t want to believe what she was telling me. She showed me a Facebook profile belonging to May which was filled with photos of her and this young dutchman.
She told me that May had been living in the village with this dutchman for many years, that May would go off to Pattaya every few months and leave her boyfriend in the village. She told me that May worked as a ‘nanny’ in Pattaya. The only reason for May to visit Pattaya every few months was to stay with me when I came to Thailand to visit her.
She had been living with a different man the entire time. The house that I was building did not exist. She was just pocketing the money and sending me photos of someone else’s house being built.
I will admit that I was foolish to fall for this, but I need to make clear that she was extremely convincing. I believed that she loved me and never had any doubt through the time that I was sending her money. That’s how good she was.
To cut a long story short, I made many attempts to contact her but I never did hear from May again. Her last message was wishing me a safe flight over.
Before leaving Thailand I spoke to a lawyer about my situation and he basically told me that as I was not married to her, that I was simply giving May gifts for her to spend as she saw fit. I am not going to get even one penny back from her.
I am not a wealthy man, and most of the money I had in savings were spend on May. I am so much worse off now and will probably never recover from the financial impact this has had on me.
I have lost so much money and years of my life dating a complete scam artist and a manipulator.
She was so professional and had an answer for everything. I think most men could find themselves being convinced by her or someone like her.
Send us your Thai wife horror story
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8 Reasons to Think Twice Before Dating a Thai Bar Girl
Published: October 13, 2021 - Reading time: 8 minutes
» Updated: January 10, 2025
When reading online or chatting with other foreign visitors to Thailand, you will likely hear a plethora of horror stories from men who have developed romantic entanglements with ladies working at bars. Whether they met their girlfriend in a beer bar, go-go bar, or nightclub, many foreigners choose to pursue relationships with bar girls in Thailand's adult entertainment scene.
While some foreigners successfully marry Thai bar girls and enjoy lasting relationships, countless others experience heartbreak, deception, and financial loss. In this article, we will explore 8 reasons you should reconsider dating a Thai bar girl:
1. She Will Cheat on You
If you're dating a lady that works at a beer bar, go-go bar, or similar establishment, the harsh reality is that she is likely to cheat on you. Even if she claims she doesn’t go with customers or that “no one can bar fine her,” statistics show otherwise.
Our investigations into hundreds of bar girls reveal that a significant majority continue to be unfaithful while their ‘boyfriends’ are out of the country... Indeed, many will also seek out additional ‘boyfriends’ while continuing to work in the bar.
Common tactics include sending messages all day and calling at the same time every night after she finishes work. You may feel that you know exactly what she is doing, however this is usually a clever illusion. In one case, for example, a lady told our agent that her mother was sick in hospital, and she could only be available for ‘short time’ arrangements as she might need to leave suddenly. The ‘sick mother’, as it turns out, was actually our American client that was trying to keep close tabs on her movements.
If your girlfriend works in a Thai bar, we can help monitor her behaviour while you are abroad. Feel free to contact our experienced team for a confidential consultation, or click to learn more about bar girl investigations.
2. Money is Paramount to Bar Girls
Thai women often turn to bar work in order to support their families and earn money quickly. This financial dependence can place a strain on your relationship.
If your girlfriend chooses to leave her job at the bar for a low-paying menial position elsewhere, then you will likely find yourself in a position where you must subsidise her income to prevent her from returning to the nightlife.
Without a solid education, your girlfriend may struggle to secure a well-paying job, leaving you with the responsibility of supporting her financially. While some men are fine with their Thai girlfriend working in bars, they must accept that this usually means she will continue seeing other customers. Our experience shows that promises of fidelity are rarely kept in such cases.
Also, try to consider her immediate needs... Is her family living in a tin shack that needs to be replaced? Does she have debt? Is she responsible for farming land? How many people are dependant on her financially? To truly understand her situation, it would be advisable to visit her hometown or village and speak to her immediate family members. In some cases, we can also do this for you.
3. Bar Girls Often Lack Education
The majority of women working in touristy bars in Thailand—such as those in Bangkok, Pattaya, and Phuket—are not locals but rather come from rural areas, particularly the Isaan region. Many bar girls lack formal education, and their English skills may be limited, learned mainly through interactions with foreign patrons.
Engaging in conversations about world events or history may reveal significant gaps in their knowledge. If you are dating a bar girl, consider how this may impact your relationship.
If your Thai girlfriend's English speaking abilities are not great, then you could help to enrol her in a local language school or study online.
4. Family Comes First
In Thailand, family is of utmost importance, and your Thai girlfriend will likely prioritise her family's needs above yours. If you marry a Thai girl, you may also find yourself responsible for supporting her family financially. That means, if her buffalo is sick, or if her mother's washing machine breaks, or if her child needs to pay school tuition, or if her dad needs money to fertilise his rice fields, or her uncle is sick in hospital - then she will do whatever she can to help, and as her partner that responsibility will fall partly onto you.
Thai women are often 'package deals'; investing in a relationship with a bar girl means you are also investing in her dependent family members. They might be reasonable people, they might even have money themselves- or they might be poor and see you as a 'cash cow'. It would be a wise endeavour to meet with her family early on and see how amiable they are towards you.
5. Bar Girls May Enjoy Their Work
While some may view bar work as undesirable, many bar girls genuinely enjoy their jobs. The nightlife can be seen as a fun escape from the mundanity of previous factory jobs, allowing them to socialise and earn money from customers.
This lifestyle can lead to difficulties if your girlfriend tries to transition back to a conventional job. Does she want to be scrubbing floors or stacking shelves for 10 hours a day? Those who enjoy working in bars may resist changing their ways, potentially impacting your relationship.
6. There May Be Other Men in Her Life
Bar girls interact with numerous customers daily, which increases the likelihood of forming emotional connections. Many will exchange numbers and maintain contact with clients long after their time in Thailand.
Even if she isn't 'bar fined' frequently, the risk of infidelity exists. If you pursue a romantic relationship with a bar girl, be aware of the complexities that may arise... You might find that messages from strange men are popping up on her phone for months or years into the future. The question is whether she will be honest with you or choose to secretly communicate with former clients.
7. Visa Challenges for Bar Girls
If you envision a long-term relationship with a Thai bar girl, you may consider bringing her to your home country. However, securing a visa for a bar girl can be challenging due to their profession. Immigration officials often scrutinise applications from individuals in the sex industry.
Moreover, bar girls are usually paid in cash, which complicates their ability to provide necessary documentation such as bank statements. Limited education and unstable income make it even more challenging to navigate the visa application process and secure a long term future with your partner.
8. Health Risks
Dating someone with multiple sexual partners increases the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Many infections can be asymptomatic, making regular testing essential for both you and your partner. Clinics are readily available in Pattaya for such health services.
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Guide to Thai Bar Girls: What Tourists Need to Know
Published: September 30, 2021 - Reading time: 10 minutes
» Updated: October 14, 2024
Although we call them “girls”, Thai bar girls are adult women. A more appropriate term might be “Thai bar ladies”.
Thai bar girls are quite different from women who serve drinks in Western countries. The key distinction is that bar girls in Thailand are often involved in prostitution.
Some men may not fully grasp the nature of this profession before visiting Thailand, leading to ill-advised romantic entanglements with bar girls. In this article, we will explore some of the issues related to Thai bar girls.
What is a Thai bar girl?
A Thai bar girl is a woman who works at a bar in Thailand, often found in areas like Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket, and other tourist destinations with vibrant nightlife. Their role is to engage with customers, often sitting and chatting with them in exchange for drinks. Bar girls earn a small commission every time a customer buys them a drink.
Most bar girls are also involved in 'leaving the bar with customers'... Customers can pay a “bar fine”, a fee paid to the bar to take one of the girls out. The customer will then have to pay an additional fee to the lady herself.
Some customers choose to spend an extended amount of time with a bar girl, often selecting a “holiday girlfriend” and spending a week or two with the same lady.
Bar girls often provide a “girlfriend experience” to their customers, leading some men to form romantic relationships with them.
Why do Thai women work in bars?
In traditional Thai culture, daughters are expected to support their parents in old age. Many of the women working in Thai bars are mothers themselves, struggling to provide for both their parents and children.
Child support is uncommon in Thailand, and when relationships break down, women often bear the financial burden of raising their children and supporting their families.
The minimum wage in Thailand is low and insufficient to support a family. Without a university degree or a good career, many women turn to working in bars as a means to earn a decent living.
Working in bars like beer bars, go-go bars, and other adult entertainment venues offers the opportunity for women to earn good money. Many also hope to meet a wealthy foreign boyfriend who will provide for them.
Stories of women finding foreign boyfriends who build them houses and buy them cars circulate in rural communities, encouraging more women to enter the adult entertainment industry, especially when they need money.
Some bar girls enjoy the lifestyle, while others may prefer a normal job but see bar work as a way to make ends meet. Everyone is different and circumstances vary from one woman to another.
Where do Thai bar girls work?
Thai bar girls work in various nightlife establishments, but their role is generally the same across different venues.
- Beer bars
Beer bars are common in tourist spots like Bangkok, Pattaya, and Phuket. These can include sports bars, girly bars, and pubs. Drinks in beer bars are typically cheaper than other venues, but prices can vary based on location.
- Go-go bars
Go-go bars feature dancers on stage who rotate with other ladies. Customers can easily identify dancers by their numbers and order drinks for them. Depending on the venue, the dancers may wear varying levels of clothing.
Go-go bars are usually more expensive than beer bars, with higher drink prices, lady drink prices, and bar fines.
- Gentleman’s clubs
These clubs are air-conditioned, enclosed bars that offer a more discreet environment than beer bars, making them popular with married men seeking privacy. Inside, the atmosphere is generally quieter.
- Ladyboy bars
These bars cater to those interested in ladyboys and operate similarly to regular bars, with both beer and go-go bar options available in most tourist areas.
- Nightclubs and discos
While not bars in the strictest sense, bar girls often work as freelancers in nightclubs and discos, looking for customers.
Thai bar girl words and phrases
Many Thai bar girls speak “bar girl English”, a form of broken English learned through working in bars. It can be difficult to understand at first, but you’ll soon pick up phrases like:
Butterfly: A customer who flits between different bar girls and doesn't stick with the same one.
Bar fine: A fee paid to the bar for taking a girl out.
No money no honey: A common phrase meaning that a bar girl’s attention is dependent on financial reward.
Lady drink: A drink bought for a bar girl, usually more expensive than a regular drink.
Cheque bin: A wooden cup that holds bills for drinks, which is settled before leaving the bar.
Mamasan: A lady (who is usually older) that is responsible for managing ladies in the bar and dealing with customer queries or complaints.
How do Thai bar girls earn money?
Thai bar girls typically have multiple sources of income:
- Salary
Bar girls can receive a basic salary from the bar that employs them (this is usually dependent on the lady working a certain number of days per month, having a certain amount of drinks bought for them per week/month, and sometimes a minimum number of bar fines).
- Tips
Tips from customers, pooled or direct, form another source of income.
- Lady drinks
Bar girls earn commission from drinks bought for them.
- Bar fines
When a customer pays a bar fine, the girl receives a portion of it.
- Short time/long time
Bar girls charge clients directly for their time, whether for a short or long period.
- Boyfriends/sponsors
Some bar girls rely on foreign boyfriends or sponsors, who often send money even after leaving Thailand. Bar girls will typically need long term financial support in order for them to stop working in the bar and change their lifestyle long term.
Thai bar girl scams
We have encountered numerous bar girl scams in our detective agency. Typically, a man will fall for a bar girl and believe she has stopped seeing other men, only to find out she is still working in the bar and entertaining other customers.
Bar girls are skilled at convincing boyfriends they are different, but the reality is that they continue working to earn money for themselves and their families.
It is risky to send money to a bar girl in the hope that she will stop working. Many will take the money and continue working, or leave only to return when more funds are needed. We can help to run a background check or confirm her story through surveillance.
Thai bar girl as your girlfriend
If you have a Thai bar girl as your girlfriend, consider her past experiences. She may have been with many men before you, and the influence of her friends and co-workers may shape her behaviour.
While some bar girls may genuinely stop working if supported by a boyfriend, others may simply be looking to earn as much money as possible through their customers.
If you need help investigating a bar girl’s activities, please get in touch with one of our experienced team members. Our service is entirely confidential.
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Are Thai Girlfriends Expensive?
Published: September 25, 2021 - Reading time: 5 minutes
» Updated: October 19, 2024
Many have heard stories about ‘Thai mail order brides’ and Thai women taking advantage of foreign partners for money, but how true are these stereotypes? Are all Thai girlfriends expensive?
Supporting a Thai girlfriend can be relatively cheap or expensive. Much depends on her lifestyle and how much she spends each month. If she’s used to luxury or can’t support herself, she’ll need more financial help from you.
There are many factors that determine whether supporting a Thai girlfriend will be expensive. Let’s explore some common circumstances in this article.
Your Thai girlfriend needs to support her family
In Thai culture, daughters often provide for their parents in old age. If your girlfriend regularly sends money to her parents, this ongoing expense may fall on you, especially if she has no sisters to share the burden.
If she has children living with her parents, providing for them will add to the financial responsibility. Factor this in when deciding on a monthly allowance.
Your Thai girlfriend works in a bar
If you met your girlfriend while she worked in a bar, go-go bar, massage parlour, or another venue in the adult entertainment industry, supporting her could become costly.
Many women in this line of work are there to make enough money to support themselves, as they often lack the career opportunities or education for well-paid jobs.
If you’re uncomfortable with her earning money by sleeping with other men, you’ll likely need to subsidise her income until she can pursue a different job or business. However, some bar girls continue to work despite telling their boyfriends otherwise, and some have several foreign boyfriends sending them money. These scenarios are common scams in Pattaya.
Your Thai girlfriend expects an expensive lifestyle
Some foreign men enjoy spoiling their girlfriends, but if your girlfriend had a foreign boyfriend who gave her a lot of money each month, she might expect the same from you.
Stories about men buying properties or vehicles for Thai girlfriends are often exaggerated due to the importance of saving face in Thai culture, leading to unrealistic expectations. Additionally, if your girlfriend previously earned high amounts working in nightlife venues, she might expect to maintain her high disposable income.
Your Thai girlfriend is 20+ years younger than you
If there’s a large age gap between you and your girlfriend, she may expect financial support and expensive gifts. Ladies involved with older foreign men often anticipate being taken care of financially.
Your Thai girlfriend is in debt
Thailand’s household debt has reached record levels, and many women may be burdened by debt. However, due to cultural norms around ‘saving face’, your girlfriend might hide her financial situation from you.
Be realistic about her financial circumstances and ensure she is honest with you about any debt.
Being realistic about your Thai girlfriend
If you're concerned about the costs of supporting a Thai girlfriend, assess her financial situation and her family responsibilities. Some men refuse to give money to their girlfriends, but if you’re in a relationship with a woman from a poor background, this attitude might not be practical.
Establishing a breakdown of her monthly expenses, including support for family, rent, and debts, will give you a clearer understanding of her financial needs. All women are different, and the costs will depend on her lifestyle and priorities.
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