8 Reasons to Think Twice Before Dating a Thai Bar Girl
Published: October 13, 2021 - Reading time: 7 minutes
» Updated: October 16, 2024
When reading online or chatting with other foreign visitors to Thailand, you will likely hear a plethora of horror stories from men who have developed romantic entanglements with ladies working at bars. Whether they met their girlfriend in a beer bar, go-go bar, or nightclub, many foreigners choose to pursue relationships with bar girls in Thailand's adult entertainment scene.
While some foreigners successfully marry Thai bar girls and enjoy lasting relationships, countless others experience heartbreak, deception, and financial loss. In this article, we will explore 8 reasons you should reconsider dating a Thai bar girl:
1. She Will Cheat on You
If you're dating a lady working at a beer bar, go-go bar, or similar establishment, the harsh reality is that she is likely to cheat on you. Even if she claims she doesn’t go with customers or that “no one can bar fine her,” statistics show otherwise.
Our investigations into hundreds of bar girls reveal that a significant majority continue to be unfaithful while their ‘boyfriends’ are out of the country.
Bar girls operate in these venues to make money by catering to customers. Even with promises of loyalty, many may use clever excuses and fabrications to conceal their actions from you unless you provide financial support through regular money transfers. Moreover, even with such support, there's no guarantee of her fidelity, as past experiences have demonstrated.
If your girlfriend works in a Thai bar, we can help monitor her behaviour while you are abroad. Feel free to contact our experienced team for a confidential consultation, or click to learn more about bar girl investigations.
2. Money is Paramount to Bar Girls
Thai women often turn to bar work in order to support their families and earn money quickly. This financial dependence can place a strain on your relationship.
If your girlfriend chooses to leave her job at the bar for a low-paying menial position elsewhere, then you will likely find yourself in a position where you must subsidise her income to prevent her from returning to the nightlife.
Without a solid education, your girlfriend may struggle to secure a well-paying job, leaving you with the responsibility of supporting her financially. While some men are fine with their Thai girlfriend working in bars, they must accept that this usually means she will continue seeing other customers. Our experience shows that promises of fidelity are rarely kept in such cases.
3. Bar Girls Often Lack Education
The majority of women working in touristy bars in Thailand—such as those in Bangkok, Pattaya, and Phuket—are not locals but rather come from rural areas, particularly the Isaan region. Many bar girls lack formal education, and their English skills may be limited, learned mainly through interactions with foreign patrons.
Engaging in conversations about world events or history may reveal significant gaps in their knowledge. If you are dating a bar girl, consider how this may impact your relationship.
If your Thai girlfriend's English speaking abilities are not great, then you could help to enrol her in a local language school or study online.
4. Family Comes First
In Thailand, family is of utmost importance, and your Thai girlfriend will likely prioritise her family's needs above yours. If you marry a Thai girl, you may also find yourself responsible for supporting her family financially. That means, if her buffalo is sick, or if her mother's washing machine breaks, or if her child needs to pay school tuition, or if her dad needs money to fertilise his rice fields, or her uncle is sick in hospital - then she will do whatever she can to help, and as her partner that responsibility will fall partly onto you.
Thai women are often 'package deals'; investing in a relationship with a bar girl means you are also investing in her dependent family members. They might be reasonable people, they might even have money themselves- or they might be poor and see you as a 'cash cow'. It would be a wise endeavour to meet with her family early on and see how amiable they are towards you.
5. Bar Girls May Enjoy Their Work
While some may view bar work as undesirable, many bar girls genuinely enjoy their jobs. The nightlife can be seen as a fun escape from the mundanity of previous factory jobs, allowing them to socialise and earn money from customers.
This lifestyle can lead to difficulties if your girlfriend tries to transition back to a conventional job. Does she want to be scrubbing floors or stacking shelves for 10 hours a day? Those who enjoy working in bars may resist changing their ways, potentially impacting your relationship.
6. There May Be Other Men in Her Life
Bar girls interact with numerous customers daily, which increases the likelihood of forming emotional connections. Many will exchange numbers and maintain contact with clients long after their time in Thailand.
Even if she isn't 'bar fined' frequently, the risk of infidelity exists. If you pursue a romantic relationship with a bar girl, be aware of the complexities that may arise... You might find that messages from strange men are popping up on her phone for months or even years into the future. The question is whether she will be honest with you or choose to secretly communicate with former clients.
7. Visa Challenges for Bar Girls
If you envision a long-term relationship with a Thai bar girl, you may consider bringing her to your home country. However, securing a visa for a bar girl can be challenging due to their profession. Immigration officials often scrutinise applications from individuals in the sex industry.
Moreover, bar girls are usually paid in cash, which complicates their ability to provide necessary documentation such as bank statements. Limited education and unstable income make it even more challenging to navigate the visa application process and secure a long term future with your partner.
8. Health Risks
Dating someone with multiple sexual partners increases the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Many infections can be asymptomatic, making regular testing essential for both you and your partner. Clinics are readily available in Pattaya for such health services.
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Guide to Thai Bar Girls: What Tourists Need to Know
Published: September 30, 2021 - Reading time: 10 minutes
» Updated: October 14, 2024
Although we call them “girls”, Thai bar girls are adult women. A more appropriate term might be “Thai bar ladies”.
Thai bar girls are quite different from women who serve drinks in Western countries. The key distinction is that bar girls in Thailand are often involved in prostitution.
Some men may not fully grasp the nature of this profession before visiting Thailand, leading to ill-advised romantic entanglements with bar girls. In this article, we will explore some of the issues related to Thai bar girls.
What is a Thai bar girl?
A Thai bar girl is a woman who works at a bar in Thailand, often found in areas like Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket, and other tourist destinations with vibrant nightlife. Their role is to engage with customers, often sitting and chatting with them in exchange for drinks. Bar girls earn a small commission every time a customer buys them a drink.
Most bar girls are also involved in 'leaving the bar with customers'... Customers can pay a “bar fine”, a fee paid to the bar to take one of the girls out. The customer will then have to pay an additional fee to the lady herself.
Some customers choose to spend an extended amount of time with a bar girl, often selecting a “holiday girlfriend” and spending a week or two with the same lady.
Bar girls often provide a “girlfriend experience” to their customers, leading some men to form romantic relationships with them.
Why do Thai women work in bars?
In traditional Thai culture, daughters are expected to support their parents in old age. Many of the women working in Thai bars are mothers themselves, struggling to provide for both their parents and children.
Child support is uncommon in Thailand, and when relationships break down, women often bear the financial burden of raising their children and supporting their families.
The minimum wage in Thailand is low and insufficient to support a family. Without a university degree or a good career, many women turn to working in bars as a means to earn a decent living.
Working in bars like beer bars, go-go bars, and other adult entertainment venues offers the opportunity for women to earn good money. Many also hope to meet a wealthy foreign boyfriend who will provide for them.
Stories of women finding foreign boyfriends who build them houses and buy them cars circulate in rural communities, encouraging more women to enter the adult entertainment industry, especially when they need money.
Some bar girls enjoy the lifestyle, while others may prefer a normal job but see bar work as a way to make ends meet. Everyone is different and circumstances vary from one woman to another.
Where do Thai bar girls work?
Thai bar girls work in various nightlife establishments, but their role is generally the same across different venues.
- Beer bars
Beer bars are common in tourist spots like Bangkok, Pattaya, and Phuket. These can include sports bars, girly bars, and pubs. Drinks in beer bars are typically cheaper than other venues, but prices can vary based on location.
- Go-go bars
Go-go bars feature dancers on stage who rotate with other ladies. Customers can easily identify dancers by their numbers and order drinks for them. Depending on the venue, the dancers may wear varying levels of clothing.
Go-go bars are usually more expensive than beer bars, with higher drink prices, lady drink prices, and bar fines.
- Gentleman’s clubs
These clubs are air-conditioned, enclosed bars that offer a more discreet environment than beer bars, making them popular with married men seeking privacy. Inside, the atmosphere is generally quieter.
- Ladyboy bars
These bars cater to those interested in ladyboys and operate similarly to regular bars, with both beer and go-go bar options available in most tourist areas.
- Nightclubs and discos
While not bars in the strictest sense, bar girls often work as freelancers in nightclubs and discos, looking for customers.
Thai bar girl words and phrases
Many Thai bar girls speak “bar girl English”, a form of broken English learned through working in bars. It can be difficult to understand at first, but you’ll soon pick up phrases like:
Butterfly: A customer who flits between different bar girls and doesn't stick with the same one.
Bar fine: A fee paid to the bar for taking a girl out.
No money no honey: A common phrase meaning that a bar girl’s attention is dependent on financial reward.
Lady drink: A drink bought for a bar girl, usually more expensive than a regular drink.
Cheque bin: A wooden cup that holds bills for drinks, which is settled before leaving the bar.
Mamasan: A lady (who is usually older) that is responsible for managing ladies in the bar and dealing with customer queries or complaints.
How do Thai bar girls earn money?
Thai bar girls typically have multiple sources of income:
- Salary
Bar girls can receive a basic salary from the bar that employs them (this is usually dependent on the lady working a certain number of days per month, having a certain amount of drinks bought for them per week/month, and sometimes a minimum number of bar fines).
- Tips
Tips from customers, pooled or direct, form another source of income.
- Lady drinks
Bar girls earn commission from drinks bought for them.
- Bar fines
When a customer pays a bar fine, the girl receives a portion of it.
- Short time/long time
Bar girls charge clients directly for their time, whether for a short or long period.
- Boyfriends/sponsors
Some bar girls rely on foreign boyfriends or sponsors, who often send money even after leaving Thailand. Bar girls will typically need long term financial support in order for them to stop working in the bar and change their lifestyle long term.
Thai bar girl scams
We have encountered numerous bar girl scams in our detective agency. Typically, a man will fall for a bar girl and believe she has stopped seeing other men, only to find out she is still working in the bar and entertaining other customers.
Bar girls are skilled at convincing boyfriends they are different, but the reality is that they continue working to earn money for themselves and their families.
It is risky to send money to a bar girl in the hope that she will stop working. Many will take the money and continue working, or leave only to return when more funds are needed. We can help to run a background check or confirm her story through surveillance.
Thai bar girl as your girlfriend
If you have a Thai bar girl as your girlfriend, consider her past experiences. She may have been with many men before you, and the influence of her friends and co-workers may shape her behaviour.
While some bar girls may genuinely stop working if supported by a boyfriend, others may simply be looking to earn as much money as possible through their customers.
If you need help investigating a bar girl’s activities, please get in touch with one of our experienced team members. Our service is entirely confidential.
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Are Thai Girlfriends Expensive?
Published: September 25, 2021 - Reading time: 5 minutes
» Updated: October 19, 2024
Many have heard stories about ‘Thai mail order brides’ and Thai women taking advantage of foreign partners for money, but how true are these stereotypes? Are all Thai girlfriends expensive?
Supporting a Thai girlfriend can be relatively cheap or expensive. Much depends on her lifestyle and how much she spends each month. If she’s used to luxury or can’t support herself, she’ll need more financial help from you.
There are many factors that determine whether supporting a Thai girlfriend will be expensive. Let’s explore some common circumstances in this article.
Your Thai girlfriend needs to support her family
In Thai culture, daughters often provide for their parents in old age. If your girlfriend regularly sends money to her parents, this ongoing expense may fall on you, especially if she has no sisters to share the burden.
If she has children living with her parents, providing for them will add to the financial responsibility. Factor this in when deciding on a monthly allowance.
Your Thai girlfriend works in a bar
If you met your girlfriend while she worked in a bar, go-go bar, massage parlour, or another venue in the adult entertainment industry, supporting her could become costly.
Many women in this line of work are there to make enough money to support themselves, as they often lack the career opportunities or education for well-paid jobs.
If you’re uncomfortable with her earning money by sleeping with other men, you’ll likely need to subsidise her income until she can pursue a different job or business. However, some bar girls continue to work despite telling their boyfriends otherwise, and some have several foreign boyfriends sending them money. These scenarios are common scams in Pattaya.
Your Thai girlfriend expects an expensive lifestyle
Some foreign men enjoy spoiling their girlfriends, but if your girlfriend had a foreign boyfriend who gave her a lot of money each month, she might expect the same from you.
Stories about men buying properties or vehicles for Thai girlfriends are often exaggerated due to the importance of saving face in Thai culture, leading to unrealistic expectations. Additionally, if your girlfriend previously earned high amounts working in nightlife venues, she might expect to maintain her high disposable income.
Your Thai girlfriend is 20+ years younger than you
If there’s a large age gap between you and your girlfriend, she may expect financial support and expensive gifts. Ladies involved with older foreign men often anticipate being taken care of financially.
Your Thai girlfriend is in debt
Thailand’s household debt has reached record levels, and many women may be burdened by debt. However, due to cultural norms around ‘saving face’, your girlfriend might hide her financial situation from you.
Be realistic about her financial circumstances and ensure she is honest with you about any debt.
Being realistic about your Thai girlfriend
If you're concerned about the costs of supporting a Thai girlfriend, assess her financial situation and her family responsibilities. Some men refuse to give money to their girlfriends, but if you’re in a relationship with a woman from a poor background, this attitude might not be practical.
Establishing a breakdown of her monthly expenses, including support for family, rent, and debts, will give you a clearer understanding of her financial needs. All women are different, and the costs will depend on her lifestyle and priorities.
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What is the sick buffalo story in Thailand?
Published: September 21, 2021 - Reading time: 8 minutes
» Updated: October 19, 2024
Reading stories online about relationships in Thailand between Thai ladies and foreign men, you might occasionally hear the reference to a “sick buffalo”. The phrase has become an often repeated idiom by expats and men that are in relationships with Thai women.
The “sick buffalo story” in Thailand is an example of Thai ladies telling a story in order to generate sympathy from their foreign boyfriends and to try and get more money from them. Some ladies will tell their boyfriend that their family’s buffalo is sick and that they need money for veterinary bills. The “sick buffalo” story has been told in Thailand for decades.
Although the sick buffalo story is now somewhat of a joke, poverty in Thailand and across south east Asia is not a joke.
In Thai culture, the daughter of the family is traditionally responsible for supporting her parents in their old age. Your Thai girlfriend may be responsible for supporting her entire family as well as herself.
Often is the case that Thai ladies will have children with local Thai men at a young age, when their relationships break down, they are then expected to provide for their children as well as their parents. The concept of a child’s father giving money to his ex-partner as child support is uncommon in Thailand.
As the minimum wage in Thailand is quite low, many women struggle to make ends meet, especially if they do not have steady careers or a university education. This can lead them to working in bars, and other adult entertainment venues in order to provide for their families.
Many of these ladies will go on to forge relationships with foreign men in nightlife venues; which is where they might tell the sick buffalo story in order to ask for extra money.
As many Thai ladies tend to hail from poor farming communities in north east Thailand, many of their families will earn money through farming pigs, cows or water buffalo, making the story that her family’s buffalo is sick plausible.
Many ladies might not claim that their family’s buffalo is sick, but instead that they urgently need money for medical bills or another emergency. While the story itself might not be truthful, the lady may or may not be in dire need of money for one reason or another.
Is her buffalo really sick?
Is your girlfriend’s water buffalo really sick or is there a more likely reason? A more common reason for Thai ladies to need money is debt repayments.
If your girlfriend does come from a poor faming community and has a family to support, then it is very possible her true reason for requesting money from you is to repay debt or to provide for her family.
In the wake of the coronavirus pandemic, household debt in Thailand ballooned to 90.5% of GDP in the first quarter of 2020, which is the highest level in 18 years according to Bank of Thailand data. Many will be dealing with the fallout of this debt for years to come.
Due to the concept of “saving face” in Thailand, and the general fear of causing upset, it is not likely that your Thai girlfriend will be totally open and honest with you about her financial situation.
Put simply, if your Thai girlfriend is struggling under a mountain of debt, then she might prefer to tell you that she needs money for her family’s sick buffalo instead. Of course, it is more common for ladies to claim that their mother or father is gravely sick in hospital and she needs money for the medical bills, or that she is having another emergency.
Although it’s easy to tell jokes about sick buffalos and Thai women telling lies to their foreign boyfriends in order to extract money from them, poverty is not a laughing matter, and the true reasons for women to tell these stories are often dire.
With all of the above said, you should not allow yourself to be taken for a ride whilst in a relationship with a Thai lady. While many Thai women are good and honest people, there is definitely a subset of women who try to take advantage of their foreign boyfriends, and practice what is known as the Thai girlfriend scam.
These ladies are often found in beer bars, a go-gos, massage parlours, and other nightlife areas where they interact with a high volume of foreign men.
In this current day and age, there is also a growing number of women that instead prefer to meet men through online dating websites and apps.
The “Thai girlfriend scam” typically involves an attractive Thai lady forming relationships with several different foreign men. These men will all believe that they are the only man in their girlfriend’s life, meanwhile she is speaking to multiple guys every day, often taking steps such as setting up multiple Facebook profiles for each of her boyfriends in order to make the scam more believable.
For some Thai women, especially those working in nightlife areas, relationships with foreign men pays their bills. Some ladies are able to earn vast amounts of money through scamming their boyfriends.
Determining whether a lady is genuine, or if she is simply telling stories about sick buffalos in order to extract as much money from you as possible, can be quite difficult. In such cases we are often asked by our clients to place a lady under surveillance in order to monitor her activities and check if she is meeting up with other men behind her boyfriend’s back.
If a lady is running a dating scam or involved with other men for financial gain, then conducting an investigation in this way can often help to save our clients huge amounts of money.
Is your Thai girlfriend using you for money?
There is a fine line between supporting your Thai girlfriend and helping her to better herself, and simply being taken for a ride. For more information on this subject, read our blog post 11 signs that your Thai girlfriend is using you for money.
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