10 things to consider before marrying a Thai lady
Published: December 15, 2021 - Reading time: 10 minutes
» Updated: June 15, 2024
If you are getting married to a Thai lady, then there are likely to be many differences between your wife's culture and your own culture which you will gradually become aware of throughout the course of your relationship. We have put together the following list which touches on some of these differences, and things to consider before getting married to a Thai lady.
Disclaimer: Not all Thai women are the same and many are very different to each other! This article aims to highlight some of the more common cultural differences that are encountered in relationships between Thai ladies and foreign men, it does not by any means represent all of these relationships nor represent all Thai women.
1. Many Thai ladies have ‘traditional values’
Over time attitudes in Thailand are gradually shifting, especially with influence from Western cultures. However, Thai ladies have often been described as having what Westerns would term as ‘traditional family values’. It has been said that the concept of feminism is not well-known in Thailand, and that many ladies are happy to cook and clean their family homes – more so than some Western ladies. Although it must be said, this type of attitude does go both ways, and if you are expecting your Thai wife to wait on you hand and foot then she will likely expect you to provide for her and her family financially.
2. You will never be as important as her family
Family bonds are very strong and important for most Thai people. No matter how devoted your Thai wife is to you, she is likely to always prioritize her family over you, especially her mother and father.
If her parents are ever in trouble or in a dire need of money for example, then the obligation will typically fall upon their daughter, and ultimately yourself if you are married to her.
This is not necessarily a bad point so long as you build a good relationship with your partner’s family. Many foreigners develop a close bond between themselves and the family of their Thai wife – they will ultimately become part of your family.
3. Thai women love spicy food
Most Thai women love spicy food. As a foreigner, you might find that your wife likes to eat foods which you find ‘weird and wonderful’. Many traditional Thai dishes which are consumed in Isan and other parts of Thailand are far different from the type of foods which you might find served up in a Thai restaurant located in Europe, America, or any Western country… We’re talking about heavy servings of fish sauce, raw crab dishes, papaya salad, fermented meats, and many others.
This may seem like an obvious point, however, if you are planning for your Thai wife to live with you in your home country, then finding food that she likes to eat can be a challenge. Of course, all Thai people are different and many Thais are able to eat Western foods – however, many Thai ladies can struggle to adjust when it comes to eating foreign foods which have less spice and flavour.
4. Thai women don’t care as much about your looks and age
This point is another generalization which does not apply to all Thai women. However, on the whole, if you are coming from a Western culture then you may notice that women in Thailand are not always as superficial as many ladies back in the West. Whether you are balding, overweight, or elderly, many Thai women are willing to forego your superficial downfalls if you are what they describe as ‘jai dee’. Jai dee basically translates to ‘good heart’.
For a lot of Thai ladies, the most important characteristic of their foreign partner is to have a ‘good heart’ – meaning that they are kind and good natured. If a Thai lady falls in love with you then she may be willing to overlook your superficial traits.
5. Thai women like having children
Family is very important to most Thai people, as we touched on in point 2. Family units tend to operate quite differently in Thai culture compared to the West. For example, many Thais see their children as a kind of retirement policy… When they grow old their children are often expected to help out their parents financially.
As a result of the Thai attitude towards family, many ladies are keen to have several children, even if their husband is getting on in age. It is not uncommon to see 60+ year old foreign men in Thailand with infant children.
6. Thai women enjoy nature
Many Thai ladies enjoy nature, spending time in nature, and growing their own food or working on the land. This point is especially true if your partner comes from a rural farming area (especially the provinces of Isaan in north-east Thailand) – this applies to many of the ladies that form relationships with foreigners.
7. Thai ladies are loyal to their partners
This is another point which is highly subjective! If you met your Thai girlfriend in a bar, nightclub, or in any other ‘adult entertainment zone’, then this point may not apply to your partner. Similarly, if you have met a Thai lady through internet dating and only speak to her through the internet, then it is very hard to judge whether or not this point applies. Many of our clients that meet women through the internet wind up falling victim to romance scams.
When a Thai lady has gotten to know you, and has spent a significant amount of time together with you (this means real life contact – not talking over the internet), then you will gradually start to form a serious relationship…
Once you have established a serious relationship (this usually culminates in getting married), Thai women tend to be very loyal and dedicated to their partners. Most Thai ladies view marriage as a strong commitment and will stick together with their partners ‘through thick and thin’. It is not uncommon to find foreign men that have been married to their Thai wives for many decades in some cases.
8. Thai wives control the money
If a Thai lady takes the roll of a homemaker, then she will be responsible for buying food for the family, and purchasing everyday items such as clothes, cleaning supplies, and any other household consumables.
If a lady is responsible for purchasing everything for her family, then it only makes sense that she would have control over the money. Whether this means opening a joint bank account or giving your wife an ‘allowance’ to take care of the home (or your share of it), allowing your wife to control most of the family’s money is a concept which is prevalent in many Eastern countries such as Thailand.
9. Learning the Thai language can help
Being able to communicate properly with your Thai girlfriend or wife is very important. If your partner’s English skills aren’t great, then most major cities in Thailand have a number of different language schools which can help your partner to hone and perfect her English-speaking abilities. Language schools are cheap and prevalent in most areas of Thailand.
If your partner is not located in a major city then online learning is another option which can be cheap or free in many cases.
However, you shouldn’t place the full burden of learning another language onto your partner! Learning to speak some Thai can go a long way and shows that you are willing to make an effort to accommodate your Thai wife, her in-laws will likely appreciate it too.
10. Cleanliness is important to Thai women
Cleanliness is very important in Thai culture. In a hot climate such as Thailand, showering multiple times every day is needed in order to cool off and prevent the smell of body odour. Most Thai people take pride in keeping their homes spotlessly clean, sweeping the floor of their home every day is a must for many Thai people.
Thai women in general do not like dirty people. If you are dating or getting married to a Thai lady then take good care of your personal hygiene and the cleanliness of your home.
Check your Thai girlfriend before getting married
Are you making the right decision to marry your Thai girlfriend or even continue in a relationship with her? Our detectives can help to check your Thai girlfriend before you get married to her. Running a pre-marital background check on your Thai partner can be a wise decision and help you to avoid making costly mistakes.
If you are interested in using our services to check your Thai girlfriend then please contact one of our experienced team members for a free quote. Please include as much information as possible with your inquiry and we will do our best to offer advice on how best we can help. All contact with us is strictly private and confidential.
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Spotting a Good Thai Girl: 10 Essential Tips for Foreigners
Published: December 8, 2021 - Reading time: 7 minutes
» Updated: October 19, 2024
We’ve all heard stories of Western men falling victim to romance scams involving Thai ladies. These stories often revolve around women who scam their boyfriends for money or maintain relationships with several men at the same time. If you met your girlfriend in a place like Pattaya, or through internet dating, the chances of falling victim to a romance scam are significantly higher.
However, not all Thai women are out to scam foreign boyfriends. Many are sincere and seek genuine relationships with foreigners.
So, how can you tell a ‘good’ Thai girl from a ‘bad’ one? The truth is that it’s not always easy. However, there are some subtle clues that may help you discern your Thai girlfriend’s intentions. Below is a list of tips to guide you.
1. She does not sleep with you on the first date
Foreigners who frequent Thailand’s nightlife areas often develop a skewed perception of Thai women. Don’t let your view of Thai culture be defined by ladies working in red-light districts.
Thai culture is traditionally reserved, and a ‘good’ Thai girl is not likely to sleep with you on the first date or before getting to know you. If a Thai woman sleeps with you after your first meeting, it might be a sign that she’s not a traditional ‘good’ Thai girl.
2. She does not smoke cigarettes
Smoking is somewhat taboo for women in Thai culture. Most Thai women who smoke are likely working in red-light areas.
If your Thai girlfriend smokes, it could indicate she’s not a ‘good’ girl and may have a background in Thailand’s nightlife scene.
3. She wants you to get married
In Thailand, relationships aren’t typically considered legitimate until a couple is married. A ‘good’ Thai girl will usually want to formalise the relationship through marriage once things get serious.
However, be cautious. The groom is traditionally expected to provide a dowry (‘sin sod’) to the bride’s family, which can range from 300,000 THB to several million baht. Some women have been known to exploit this, ending the relationship soon after receiving the dowry, which is generally non-refundable.
4. She does not have tattoos
Although changing due to Western influence, tattoos on Thai women are often associated with those who have worked in the adult entertainment industry.
We’re not suggesting all women with tattoos are ‘bad’, but this is a factor worth considering when assessing your Thai girlfriend.
5. She does not ask for money
If your girlfriend frequently asks for money or expensive gifts, it’s a sign she may be more interested in your wallet than your relationship.
Some scammers are patient and won’t ask for money until they’ve built trust, often waiting for a ‘crisis’ to ask for financial help. Be cautious of the long game.
6. She does not wear revealing clothes
Thai culture is traditionally modest. Outside of nightlife areas, you’ll rarely see women wearing revealing clothing.
If your girlfriend is comfortable wearing provocative clothing in public, it might suggest she’s not a traditional ‘good’ Thai girl.
7. She makes long-term plans with you
Does your girlfriend only talk about where to eat or shop, or does she make long-term plans for your relationship? If she’s serious about you, she’ll discuss your future together, which is a positive sign.
8. She doesn’t hang out with ‘working girls’
You can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep. If your girlfriend's circle includes bar girls or dancers, you should question how she knows them. If she has respectable friends with professional careers, it’s a sign she might be a ‘good Thai girl’.
9. She drinks in moderation
Moderate drinking is acceptable in Thai culture, but heavy drinking isn’t. If your girlfriend gets drunk regularly, this should raise concerns. Drinking in moderation, however, can reflect good character.
10. She has a career
In Thailand, the minimum wage is very low, making it hard to survive without a proper career or education. A ‘good’ Thai girl usually has a career path or educational goals in place before seeking a relationship with a foreign boyfriend.
A word of caution
Never underestimate the cleverness of romance scammers. If your Thai girlfriend is trying to take advantage of you, she may know how to do so without raising suspicions. Scammers often treat it as a job, honing their skills over multiple relationships.
Spotting a scammer isn’t easy. Many of our clients didn’t suspect they were being deceived until we presented them with concrete evidence.
Check your Thai girlfriend
If you have concerns that your Thai girlfriend might be cheating or taking advantage of you, we can help. Our private investigators cover all areas of Thailand and can discreetly check on your girlfriend’s activities while you’re away. We can also perform a premarital background check to verify key details about the lady and her history.
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Another Thai wife horror story
Published: November 2, 2021 - Reading time: 13 minutes
» Updated: June 15, 2024
There are many horror stories posted online which relate to Thai wives and Thai girlfriends. Many will attribute this to a percentage of foreign men meeting their partners in Thailand’s notorious nightlife industry. Although relationships with ladies from all different walks of life can still end badly, if you form a serious relationship with a lady that previously worked at a beer bar, a go-go bar, massage parlour, disco, or club, then the potential for this to happen might be considerably higher.
Quite simply, if your partner has decided that they are going to try and extract as much money from you as possible, then you might find yourself falling vulnerable to a romance scam.
What follows is a story that was sent to us by a previous client. Mike, as we will call him here, has asked us to publish this story as a warning to others.
Please note that all contact with us is 100% private and confidential. Mike has asked us to share the following story on our blog in order to try and prevent other people from having similar experiences. We never publish any information from our clients without their clear written permission.
Ian, thanks for giving me a platform to detail my plight, I hope that it can serve as a warning to any other guys that find themselves in a similar position.
I originally met my Thai wife through an internet dating site. She was 9 years younger than me, had a slim figure and I found her very attractive.
After we met through the dating site, we hit it off and were texting/calling each other every day. This continued for 7 months until I had the opportunity to fly out to Thailand and meet her.
May had told me that she worked in a restaurant and shared a room with another lady. After arriving in Thailand, it became clear that she was working at a bar which also served food. As it was my first visit to Thailand, I was quite naive and did not realize that she was a bar girl and effectively working as a prostitute.
Anyway, I had a great time with her and stayed in Thailand for 4 weeks. On my last week there I proposed to her and we got engaged. I started to send her money so that she could stop working in the bar, and she found a job at a café instead.
I visited Thailand every year while we went through the process of planning our wedding and applying for a visa for her to live in the United States. I would spend at least one or two months with her every year in Thailand.
During my second trip to Thailand, I visited her family’s house which was very basic and in some ways primitive. Her family had no electric shower for example, they used a bowl to throw cold water over themselves.
Her family home had a rusty tin roof that leaked when it rained and a concrete floor covered by odd pieces of ripped linoleum.
I felt sorry for her family and while we were there I paid for them to have a new aluminium roof, new tiled floor, new wash room, and rewired it completely. Later on, that year I would give her father 360,000 THB to purchase a tractor so that he could earn money working on the rice fields. We also bought a pickup truck.
After returning from this trip to Thailand it became apparent to me that I was not going to be able to get her a visa to live with me in the States. I decided that I would give up my job and move to Thailand instead.
Some months passed, and I went back to Thailand to spend more time with her. While I was there I decided to purchase a plot of land in her village. This land cost 430,000 THB and was to be the site of a house that I would build for us to live in. As I was not allowed to own the land, it was put in May’s name, of course I trusted her totally at this point.
May’s family farmed cattle and she had convinced me to build a large barn where we would raise pigs. We had planned to keep 40-50 pigs within this barn which would produce an income for us to live on.
I returned back to the States and within 3 weeks May had sent me architect drawings for our new house. I started to send her money, first it was $14,000 as a deposit for the builders and to start constructing the foundations and the concrete shell of the building.
The concrete posts were quickly erected and I sent more money for the roof and brickwork to get underway.
Building houses in Thailand is much cheaper than in the United States, however it still costs a reasonable amount if you are looking for a good Western style building.
Within 8 months the house was completely finished and I was getting ready to return back to Thailand and make preparations for my move over there.
Just 5 days before the flight, May asked me to send her an extra $10,000 for furniture and finishing touches on the house. I sent it. Including land, the house cost me approximately $86,000 US dollars, or around 2.9 million baht.
Everything was great at this point. My house was finished and I was finally going back to Thailand to see it and get married to May.
Soon enough I found myself in the arrivals hall of Bangkok airport once again. However, this time May was not there to greet me. I walked around the airport for over an hour and could not find her anywhere.
In the end I left the airport and got a hotel room close to the airport. I tried to call May and each time her phone would hang up after one ring. I sent her messages; they were unopened and she never responded to me.
I had spoken to her just before the flight and I was becoming more and more worried. I stayed in the hotel for 6 nights and could not get a hold of her during that time. I thought, what if she has had an accident? What if she is dead or in hospital?
Eventually I booked a taxi to drive me from Bangkok up to her village. It was a 6 hour drive and the taxi could not drive down the rutted dirt track to her parent’s house.
After I had walked down the track, I discovered that a new brick wall had been erected around the property which was topped with barbed wire. The gate was locked. I could see lights on at the house and shouted to get their attention but no-one came out.
I thought maybe May was at our house instead. We drove across the village to the plot of land that I had purchased, where our house now stood.
I remember the location vividly as the land was directly opposite the village school and had a view over the local water reservoir.
We arrived at the land I had purchased and there was nothing besides a pile of dirt. I walked around the area and there was no sign of construction anywhere.
May had sent me photos of the house as it was being built. She sent me photos of the foundations being poured, the concrete posts and cross beams being installed, the floors, roof, everything. But I was standing in the middle of this field and there was no house to be seen.
I thought that there must be some type of misunderstanding. I found a ‘resort’ close to the village to stay at overnight. In the morning I would come back to the village and find May.
The next day I revisited her parent’s house, the gate was locked again. I shouted to get their attention but didn’t see anyone.
Eventually I made my way to the local village shop where I sat down and bought a bottle of Thai whiskey. I was drinking to myself when a woman approached me speaking broken English. She told me that May had gone to work in Pattaya, and that she was previously living in her parent’s house with a man from Holland called Thomas.
I couldn’t, and didn’t want to believe what she was telling me. She showed me a Facebook profile belonging to May which was filled with photos of her and this young dutchman.
She told me that May had been living in the village with this dutchman for many years, that May would go off to Pattaya every few months and leave her boyfriend in the village. She told me that May worked as a ‘nanny’ in Pattaya. The only reason for May to visit Pattaya every few months was to stay with me when I came to Thailand to visit her.
She had been living with a different man the entire time. The house that I was building did not exist. She was just pocketing the money and sending me photos of someone else’s house being built.
I will admit that I was foolish to fall for this, but I need to make clear that she was extremely convincing. I believed that she loved me and never had any doubt through the time that I was sending her money. That’s how good she was.
To cut a long story short, I made many attempts to contact her but I never did hear from May again. Her last message was wishing me a safe flight over.
Before leaving Thailand I spoke to a lawyer about my situation and he basically told me that as I was not married to her, that I was simply giving May gifts for her to spend as she saw fit. I am not going to get even one penny back from her.
I am not a wealthy man, and most of the money I had in savings were spend on May. I am so much worse off now and will probably never recover from the financial impact this has had on me.
I have lost so much money and years of my life dating a complete scam artist and a manipulator.
She was so professional and had an answer for everything. I think most men could find themselves being convinced by her or someone like her.
Send us your Thai wife horror story
Do you have a Thai wife horror story that you would like to publish on our blog? Please contact us if you have had a similar experience and would like to warn others.
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PattayaPI are a leading detective agency based in Thailand. If you are worried that your Thai girlfriend or wife might be cheating on you then we can help to investigate and find out what is truly going on.
We can also help to check your Thai girlfriend by running a background check on her.
We offer free, no pressure quotes for all work. Please feel free to contact one of our experienced team members for help and advice.
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8 Reasons to Think Twice Before Dating a Thai Bar Girl
Published: October 13, 2021 - Reading time: 7 minutes
» Updated: October 16, 2024
When reading online or chatting with other foreign visitors to Thailand, you will likely hear a plethora of horror stories from men who have developed romantic entanglements with ladies working at bars. Whether they met their girlfriend in a beer bar, go-go bar, or nightclub, many foreigners choose to pursue relationships with bar girls in Thailand's adult entertainment scene.
While some foreigners successfully marry Thai bar girls and enjoy lasting relationships, countless others experience heartbreak, deception, and financial loss. In this article, we will explore 8 reasons you should reconsider dating a Thai bar girl:
1. She Will Cheat on You
If you're dating a lady working at a beer bar, go-go bar, or similar establishment, the harsh reality is that she is likely to cheat on you. Even if she claims she doesn’t go with customers or that “no one can bar fine her,” statistics show otherwise.
Our investigations into hundreds of bar girls reveal that a significant majority continue to be unfaithful while their ‘boyfriends’ are out of the country.
Bar girls operate in these venues to make money by catering to customers. Even with promises of loyalty, many may use clever excuses and fabrications to conceal their actions from you unless you provide financial support through regular money transfers. Moreover, even with such support, there's no guarantee of her fidelity, as past experiences have demonstrated.
If your girlfriend works in a Thai bar, we can help monitor her behaviour while you are abroad. Feel free to contact our experienced team for a confidential consultation, or click to learn more about bar girl investigations.
2. Money is Paramount to Bar Girls
Thai women often turn to bar work in order to support their families and earn money quickly. This financial dependence can place a strain on your relationship.
If your girlfriend chooses to leave her job at the bar for a low-paying menial position elsewhere, then you will likely find yourself in a position where you must subsidise her income to prevent her from returning to the nightlife.
Without a solid education, your girlfriend may struggle to secure a well-paying job, leaving you with the responsibility of supporting her financially. While some men are fine with their Thai girlfriend working in bars, they must accept that this usually means she will continue seeing other customers. Our experience shows that promises of fidelity are rarely kept in such cases.
3. Bar Girls Often Lack Education
The majority of women working in touristy bars in Thailand—such as those in Bangkok, Pattaya, and Phuket—are not locals but rather come from rural areas, particularly the Isaan region. Many bar girls lack formal education, and their English skills may be limited, learned mainly through interactions with foreign patrons.
Engaging in conversations about world events or history may reveal significant gaps in their knowledge. If you are dating a bar girl, consider how this may impact your relationship.
If your Thai girlfriend's English speaking abilities are not great, then you could help to enrol her in a local language school or study online.
4. Family Comes First
In Thailand, family is of utmost importance, and your Thai girlfriend will likely prioritise her family's needs above yours. If you marry a Thai girl, you may also find yourself responsible for supporting her family financially. That means, if her buffalo is sick, or if her mother's washing machine breaks, or if her child needs to pay school tuition, or if her dad needs money to fertilise his rice fields, or her uncle is sick in hospital - then she will do whatever she can to help, and as her partner that responsibility will fall partly onto you.
Thai women are often 'package deals'; investing in a relationship with a bar girl means you are also investing in her dependent family members. They might be reasonable people, they might even have money themselves- or they might be poor and see you as a 'cash cow'. It would be a wise endeavour to meet with her family early on and see how amiable they are towards you.
5. Bar Girls May Enjoy Their Work
While some may view bar work as undesirable, many bar girls genuinely enjoy their jobs. The nightlife can be seen as a fun escape from the mundanity of previous factory jobs, allowing them to socialise and earn money from customers.
This lifestyle can lead to difficulties if your girlfriend tries to transition back to a conventional job. Does she want to be scrubbing floors or stacking shelves for 10 hours a day? Those who enjoy working in bars may resist changing their ways, potentially impacting your relationship.
6. There May Be Other Men in Her Life
Bar girls interact with numerous customers daily, which increases the likelihood of forming emotional connections. Many will exchange numbers and maintain contact with clients long after their time in Thailand.
Even if she isn't 'bar fined' frequently, the risk of infidelity exists. If you pursue a romantic relationship with a bar girl, be aware of the complexities that may arise... You might find that messages from strange men are popping up on her phone for months or even years into the future. The question is whether she will be honest with you or choose to secretly communicate with former clients.
7. Visa Challenges for Bar Girls
If you envision a long-term relationship with a Thai bar girl, you may consider bringing her to your home country. However, securing a visa for a bar girl can be challenging due to their profession. Immigration officials often scrutinise applications from individuals in the sex industry.
Moreover, bar girls are usually paid in cash, which complicates their ability to provide necessary documentation such as bank statements. Limited education and unstable income make it even more challenging to navigate the visa application process and secure a long term future with your partner.
8. Health Risks
Dating someone with multiple sexual partners increases the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Many infections can be asymptomatic, making regular testing essential for both you and your partner. Clinics are readily available in Pattaya for such health services.
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