Thai bar girl as your girlfriend, can it work?

May 31, 2017 - Reading time: 9 minutes

A lot of talk happens online in the expat community surrounding bar girls, go-go dancers, and other so-called ladies of the night, that work in Thailand’s nightlife areas. Most people recommend avoiding Thai bar girls for any type of serious relationship and highlight the pitfalls, or stories of themselves or their friends losing vast amounts of money to bar girls. On the other hand, in some cases men do visit Thailand, become involved with bar girls, and end up getting married, having children, and leading happy lives together... To understand this issue, you really need to look into the cause of prostitution in Thailand. Why is she working in the bar? Often times ladies in Thailand are pushed into bar work by economic pressure. The minimum wage in Thailand is approximately 300 baht per day, that's around $8 US dollars for 8 hours work.... $1 per hour. Bar girls need more money than this to support themselves and their families.

Thai bar girl as your girlfriend, can it work?

Thousands of foreigners visit Thailand every year and develop romances with Thai bar girls. If you fit into this category, then you are following in the footsteps of countless other men. Some bar girls that are dating foreign men are faithful while their boyfriends are not in the country, but the vast majority of bar girl investigations that our agency has dealt with (over 80%) have not fallen into this category. Most bar girls are found to have been continuing to leave the bar with new men on a regular basis. If their boyfriends had not decided to contact us and start an investigation then they never would have known what was really going on.

Over time, many bar girls can become very proficient liars. They understand how foreign men think and they know the things to say that will convince their boyfriends that they are being loyal to them. Sometimes bar girls will also work together and help each other write messages in English. They can be very convincing, whether or not their partner does suspects anything.

Most of the bar girls that we check are found to be leaving the bar with customers while their foreign boyfriends are on the other end of the phone sending the lady messages from their home countries. Unless you are sending a bar girl a significant amount of money every month, the likelihood is that she is continuing to leave the bar with other customers. Of course, if you are sending her money, there is still the danger that she will continue her activity. Some women simply will not stop, and are excellent at convincing their sponsors that nothing is happening by telling elaborate lies.

Thai bar girls support their families

It is possible to live in Thailand, and survive on the Thai minimum wage, but it is not easy. Traditionally in Thai culture, the son of the family will support his mother and father until he has his own family. When he has his own wife and children, then his priorities shift and he's no longer expected to provide for mom and dad. With a Thai daughter, she will usually carry the burden of supporting her family forever. This means she is not only feeding herself, but her mother, father, and any children or other relatives that depend on her for assistance. Many, if not most bar girls in Thailand have children, however they will probably deny this when you ask them. "You have children?" "No, no!". They get used to saying this, because they don't believe that having children is an attractive trait to potential customers or boyfriends.

Learn more about bar girl investigations.

Once a Thai lady has a child, she will find it very difficult to be in a meaningful relationship with a Thai man. Thai men typically are not interested in marrying women with kids. It may be cheaper to live in Thailand, but the cost of putting a child (or multiple kids) through school, the cost of feeding your mother and father, running their house in Isaan, and feeding yourself, adds up. For a lot of these women, with very minimum educations, bar work can be seen as a viable choice to solve their money troubles.

Supporting a Thai bar girl financially

By supporting a Thai bar girl, you will be responsible for making sure that she has enough money and a comfortable lifestyle, as well as her family and any dependants that rely on her. If her family is struggling with debt, or get sick, or need to rebuild their house for example, then there is only one person they will be looking at for help – that’s you.

Stories about Thai women needing money for a sick buffalo, money for them or their family to get medical treatment, and many similar tales, are very common. If a Thai lady needs more money from her sponsor then she will generally find a plausible reason which will be believed by most sympathetic boyfriends. High earning Thai ladies are able to recruit several “boyfriends”, with some sending money on a regular basis, and others only giving her money for special occasions or during their visits to Thailand. We feel it’s important to check your Thai girlfriend in order to make sure that this isn’t the case, and that you are her only boyfriend.

Thai bar girl as a girlfriend

Generally speaking there are two types of bar girl. You have one lady that will stop working in the bar if given the opportunity. You take the financial burden from her and send her money (she will describe this as "taking care" of her), she stops working in the bar and maintains your relationship. A lot of women start working in bars so they can find a foreign husband, and they might be keen to leave the bar and work somewhere else if their sponsor is willing to pay for this.

You then have the other type of bar girl. She is not seriously interested in you, but she will never say that. She will seem very keen on you and make you think you're the love of her life! But you're not. Through her eyes you are just an ATM machine. Her goal is to have multiple boyfriends sending her money, while continuing to make money every night in the bar. There will be no $8 per day wage for this lady, she can make thousands per month, especially if she's young and good looking. Sending this type of lady money to setup a legitimate business or attend university will result in nothing but lies. She may convince you that she is not working in the bar anymore but will continue to leave the bar with more men, and eventually find more sponsors that are willing to send her cash. This is what people describe as the "Thai bar girl scam".

Whether or not having a Thai bar girl as your girlfriend will turn out well for you, or go very wrong, we can't say. Although statistically the odds are you will not have a long romance free of infidelity, most men reading this article will have the belief that their bar girl girlfriend is "different". Unfortunately for a guy with this attitude, he will not realize the truth until it is too late.

Marrying a Thai bar girl

Marriage is important in Thai culture and to most Thai people. In order for a relationship to be seen as legitimate, a marriage will need to take place. Thai weddings can be very expensive, or even cheap, depending on the desire of your Thai girlfriend and her family.

Additionally, the tradition of paying a dowry is still alive in Thailand and you will typically be expected to pay a large amount of cash to your girlfriend’s family, along with gold jewellery or possibly a home/brand new car. Read our blog post Paying a dowry or sin sod in Thailand for more information on this topic.

If you are planning to get married to a Thai lady, have a lavish wedding ceremony, and hand over wads of cash to her family, then make sure you know the lady well before taking this step. We can help you make informed decisions by running background checks or checking her activity whilst she is away from you.

At PattayaPI, we understand these issues, and we believe you have a choice. If you have picked a bad bar girl, you have picked a professional liar. This type of woman gets paid to lie, and they're good, they're very good. She will never ever admit that she's seeing other guys, or has multiple boyfriends. How can you find the truth? Before you let this relationship run on for years, and send this lady thousands of dollars, let us help you discover her motives. In the long run paying a private investigator will save you a lot of money and heartache. On the other hand many of our clients appreciate the peace of mind they get from knowing their girlfriend is loyal to them.

If she's lying to you, we will find out. If she's not, you can go forward knowing you've picked a trustworthy partner, and she will never know she has been investigated. Send us a message now for a free quote.