8 Reasons to Think Twice Before Dating a Thai Bar Girl
Published: October 13, 2021 - Reading time: 7 minutes
» Updated: October 16, 2024
When reading online or chatting with other foreign visitors to Thailand, you will likely hear a plethora of horror stories from men who have developed romantic entanglements with ladies working at bars. Whether they met their girlfriend in a beer bar, go-go bar, or nightclub, many foreigners choose to pursue relationships with bar girls in Thailand's adult entertainment scene.
While some foreigners successfully marry Thai bar girls and enjoy lasting relationships, countless others experience heartbreak, deception, and financial loss. In this article, we will explore 8 reasons you should reconsider dating a Thai bar girl:
1. She Will Cheat on You
If you're dating a lady working at a beer bar, go-go bar, or similar establishment, the harsh reality is that she is likely to cheat on you. Even if she claims she doesn’t go with customers or that “no one can bar fine her,” statistics show otherwise.
Our investigations into hundreds of bar girls reveal that a significant majority continue to be unfaithful while their ‘boyfriends’ are out of the country.
Bar girls operate in these venues to make money by catering to customers. Even with promises of loyalty, many may use clever excuses and fabrications to conceal their actions from you unless you provide financial support through regular money transfers. Moreover, even with such support, there's no guarantee of her fidelity, as past experiences have demonstrated.
If your girlfriend works in a Thai bar, we can help monitor her behaviour while you are abroad. Feel free to contact our experienced team for a confidential consultation, or click to learn more about bar girl investigations.
2. Money is Paramount to Bar Girls
Thai women often turn to bar work in order to support their families and earn money quickly. This financial dependence can place a strain on your relationship.
If your girlfriend chooses to leave her job at the bar for a low-paying menial position elsewhere, then you will likely find yourself in a position where you must subsidise her income to prevent her from returning to the nightlife.
Without a solid education, your girlfriend may struggle to secure a well-paying job, leaving you with the responsibility of supporting her financially. While some men are fine with their Thai girlfriend working in bars, they must accept that this usually means she will continue seeing other customers. Our experience shows that promises of fidelity are rarely kept in such cases.
3. Bar Girls Often Lack Education
The majority of women working in touristy bars in Thailand—such as those in Bangkok, Pattaya, and Phuket—are not locals but rather come from rural areas, particularly the Isaan region. Many bar girls lack formal education, and their English skills may be limited, learned mainly through interactions with foreign patrons.
Engaging in conversations about world events or history may reveal significant gaps in their knowledge. If you are dating a bar girl, consider how this may impact your relationship.
If your Thai girlfriend's English speaking abilities are not great, then you could help to enrol her in a local language school or study online.
4. Family Comes First
In Thailand, family is of utmost importance, and your Thai girlfriend will likely prioritise her family's needs above yours. If you marry a Thai girl, you may also find yourself responsible for supporting her family financially. That means, if her buffalo is sick, or if her mother's washing machine breaks, or if her child needs to pay school tuition, or if her dad needs money to fertilise his rice fields, or her uncle is sick in hospital - then she will do whatever she can to help, and as her partner that responsibility will fall partly onto you.
Thai women are often 'package deals'; investing in a relationship with a bar girl means you are also investing in her dependent family members. They might be reasonable people, they might even have money themselves- or they might be poor and see you as a 'cash cow'. It would be a wise endeavour to meet with her family early on and see how amiable they are towards you.
5. Bar Girls May Enjoy Their Work
While some may view bar work as undesirable, many bar girls genuinely enjoy their jobs. The nightlife can be seen as a fun escape from the mundanity of previous factory jobs, allowing them to socialise and earn money from customers.
This lifestyle can lead to difficulties if your girlfriend tries to transition back to a conventional job. Does she want to be scrubbing floors or stacking shelves for 10 hours a day? Those who enjoy working in bars may resist changing their ways, potentially impacting your relationship.
6. There May Be Other Men in Her Life
Bar girls interact with numerous customers daily, which increases the likelihood of forming emotional connections. Many will exchange numbers and maintain contact with clients long after their time in Thailand.
Even if she isn't 'bar fined' frequently, the risk of infidelity exists. If you pursue a romantic relationship with a bar girl, be aware of the complexities that may arise... You might find that messages from strange men are popping up on her phone for months or even years into the future. The question is whether she will be honest with you or choose to secretly communicate with former clients.
7. Visa Challenges for Bar Girls
If you envision a long-term relationship with a Thai bar girl, you may consider bringing her to your home country. However, securing a visa for a bar girl can be challenging due to their profession. Immigration officials often scrutinise applications from individuals in the sex industry.
Moreover, bar girls are usually paid in cash, which complicates their ability to provide necessary documentation such as bank statements. Limited education and unstable income make it even more challenging to navigate the visa application process and secure a long term future with your partner.
8. Health Risks
Dating someone with multiple sexual partners increases the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Many infections can be asymptomatic, making regular testing essential for both you and your partner. Clinics are readily available in Pattaya for such health services.
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Guide to Thai Bar Girls: What Tourists Need to Know
Published: September 30, 2021 - Reading time: 10 minutes
» Updated: October 14, 2024
Although we call them “girls”, Thai bar girls are adult women. A more appropriate term might be “Thai bar ladies”.
Thai bar girls are quite different from women who serve drinks in Western countries. The key distinction is that bar girls in Thailand are often involved in prostitution.
Some men may not fully grasp the nature of this profession before visiting Thailand, leading to ill-advised romantic entanglements with bar girls. In this article, we will explore some of the issues related to Thai bar girls.
What is a Thai bar girl?
A Thai bar girl is a woman who works at a bar in Thailand, often found in areas like Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket, and other tourist destinations with vibrant nightlife. Their role is to engage with customers, often sitting and chatting with them in exchange for drinks. Bar girls earn a small commission every time a customer buys them a drink.
Most bar girls are also involved in 'leaving the bar with customers'... Customers can pay a “bar fine”, a fee paid to the bar to take one of the girls out. The customer will then have to pay an additional fee to the lady herself.
Some customers choose to spend an extended amount of time with a bar girl, often selecting a “holiday girlfriend” and spending a week or two with the same lady.
Bar girls often provide a “girlfriend experience” to their customers, leading some men to form romantic relationships with them.
Why do Thai women work in bars?
In traditional Thai culture, daughters are expected to support their parents in old age. Many of the women working in Thai bars are mothers themselves, struggling to provide for both their parents and children.
Child support is uncommon in Thailand, and when relationships break down, women often bear the financial burden of raising their children and supporting their families.
The minimum wage in Thailand is low and insufficient to support a family. Without a university degree or a good career, many women turn to working in bars as a means to earn a decent living.
Working in bars like beer bars, go-go bars, and other adult entertainment venues offers the opportunity for women to earn good money. Many also hope to meet a wealthy foreign boyfriend who will provide for them.
Stories of women finding foreign boyfriends who build them houses and buy them cars circulate in rural communities, encouraging more women to enter the adult entertainment industry, especially when they need money.
Some bar girls enjoy the lifestyle, while others may prefer a normal job but see bar work as a way to make ends meet. Everyone is different and circumstances vary from one woman to another.
Where do Thai bar girls work?
Thai bar girls work in various nightlife establishments, but their role is generally the same across different venues.
- Beer bars
Beer bars are common in tourist spots like Bangkok, Pattaya, and Phuket. These can include sports bars, girly bars, and pubs. Drinks in beer bars are typically cheaper than other venues, but prices can vary based on location.
- Go-go bars
Go-go bars feature dancers on stage who rotate with other ladies. Customers can easily identify dancers by their numbers and order drinks for them. Depending on the venue, the dancers may wear varying levels of clothing.
Go-go bars are usually more expensive than beer bars, with higher drink prices, lady drink prices, and bar fines.
- Gentleman’s clubs
These clubs are air-conditioned, enclosed bars that offer a more discreet environment than beer bars, making them popular with married men seeking privacy. Inside, the atmosphere is generally quieter.
- Ladyboy bars
These bars cater to those interested in ladyboys and operate similarly to regular bars, with both beer and go-go bar options available in most tourist areas.
- Nightclubs and discos
While not bars in the strictest sense, bar girls often work as freelancers in nightclubs and discos, looking for customers.
Thai bar girl words and phrases
Many Thai bar girls speak “bar girl English”, a form of broken English learned through working in bars. It can be difficult to understand at first, but you’ll soon pick up phrases like:
Butterfly: A customer who flits between different bar girls and doesn't stick with the same one.
Bar fine: A fee paid to the bar for taking a girl out.
No money no honey: A common phrase meaning that a bar girl’s attention is dependent on financial reward.
Lady drink: A drink bought for a bar girl, usually more expensive than a regular drink.
Cheque bin: A wooden cup that holds bills for drinks, which is settled before leaving the bar.
Mamasan: A lady (who is usually older) that is responsible for managing ladies in the bar and dealing with customer queries or complaints.
How do Thai bar girls earn money?
Thai bar girls typically have multiple sources of income:
- Salary
Bar girls can receive a basic salary from the bar that employs them (this is usually dependent on the lady working a certain number of days per month, having a certain amount of drinks bought for them per week/month, and sometimes a minimum number of bar fines).
- Tips
Tips from customers, pooled or direct, form another source of income.
- Lady drinks
Bar girls earn commission from drinks bought for them.
- Bar fines
When a customer pays a bar fine, the girl receives a portion of it.
- Short time/long time
Bar girls charge clients directly for their time, whether for a short or long period.
- Boyfriends/sponsors
Some bar girls rely on foreign boyfriends or sponsors, who often send money even after leaving Thailand. Bar girls will typically need long term financial support in order for them to stop working in the bar and change their lifestyle long term.
Thai bar girl scams
We have encountered numerous bar girl scams in our detective agency. Typically, a man will fall for a bar girl and believe she has stopped seeing other men, only to find out she is still working in the bar and entertaining other customers.
Bar girls are skilled at convincing boyfriends they are different, but the reality is that they continue working to earn money for themselves and their families.
It is risky to send money to a bar girl in the hope that she will stop working. Many will take the money and continue working, or leave only to return when more funds are needed. We can help to run a background check or confirm her story through surveillance.
Thai bar girl as your girlfriend
If you have a Thai bar girl as your girlfriend, consider her past experiences. She may have been with many men before you, and the influence of her friends and co-workers may shape her behaviour.
While some bar girls may genuinely stop working if supported by a boyfriend, others may simply be looking to earn as much money as possible through their customers.
If you need help investigating a bar girl’s activities, please get in touch with one of our experienced team members. Our service is entirely confidential.
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15 Common Lies Thai Bar Girls Tell Foreigners
Published: September 14, 2021 - Reading time: 9 minutes
» Updated: October 19, 2024
Thai bar girls know precisely what to say to present themselves as appealing to customers and to portray themselves in the best possible light. This article explores some of the most prevalent lies told by Thai bar girls to foreigners.
1. “It’s my first week in the bar”
This is one of the most common fabrications that bar girls in Thailand tell foreigners. Whether she claims it’s her first day, week, or month working in the bar, you can bet that these statements are often untrue.
A clear indication of this lie is if the lady speaks decent English but has never attended university; she has likely honed her language skills through her time working in the bar, far exceeding just one week!
2. Lying about their age
Many Thai women possess an extraordinary ability to appear much younger than their actual age, and professionally applied makeup can significantly enhance this effect.
Thai bar girls are acutely aware that most men favour younger women, and it’s not unusual for them to claim they are 10 or 15 years younger to boost their appeal to customers.
3. Lying about having children
Most ladies work in bars to support their families. Child support is relatively uncommon in Thailand, so many women resort to working in red-light areas to provide for their loved ones.
Having children is often perceived as a disadvantage in attracting customers. As a result, bar girls frequently lie about not having children or claim to have only one when they actually have two or three. By the time the man discovers the truth, he may be so enamoured and committed that it no longer matters.
4. Lying about their name
Bar girls rarely use their real names. Instead, they might tell you their name is “Pin”, “Apple”, or “Pea”, but disclosing their actual name is quite rare.
The use of nicknames is commonplace in Thailand for various reasons. Bar girls understand that most foreigners struggle to pronounce their real names and prefer to choose names that are easier for non-Thai speakers to grasp.
5. “I have never gone with a customer before”
A bar girl’s job is to leave the bar with customers as often as possible; that’s how they earn their money. If a lady claims she has never left the bar with a customer, don’t believe her. She may be setting you up for a long-distance relationship (a bar girl scam), suggesting that she is “different” or “not like the other girls” to increase her appeal by claiming she is not “high mileage”. This is a common lie among bar girls.
Most bar girls investigated by us are found to be unfaithful to their partners. If you find yourself in a relationship with a Thai bar girl, then we can assist you in verifying her fidelity while you are away.
Learn more about bar girl investigations.
6. “I don’t have a boyfriend!”
Many bar girls indeed have boyfriends—whether it’s a local Thai man who accepts their profession or a foreigner who met her while she was working in the bar.
Bar girls will never admit to having a boyfriend. For many, the goal is to establish multiple foreign relationships, with each man believing he is the only one in her life. This can be quite lucrative for some bar girls.
7. She doesn’t like dating Thai men
Most bar girls will claim they don’t find Thai men attractive, stating they are poorly treated by them. This lie often aims to deflect suspicion of having a local boyfriend or husband, making the bar girl seem more appealing to customers.
8. She feels sick after leaving the bar
After you have paid a bar fine and left with the lady, she might suddenly claim to feel unwell, perhaps developing a headache or an upset stomach.
The motivation behind this lie is straightforward: the lady may prefer a quiet evening watching television or resting rather than engaging in the activities you might have anticipated.
9. “I don’t like young guys; I only like old men”
This lie is typically only expressed if you are of a more advanced age. Some bar girls claim they are only attracted to older men, presumably to make you feel comfortable and understand why they are particularly keen on you.
While some bar girls may genuinely prefer older customers, it’s not for the reasons they might suggest. Younger men can be more demanding and frugal, while older men often have more cash and are more likely to tip.
10. “I want to go to massage school”
If you’re spending time with a bar girl, she may express a desire to attend massage school or open a salon. These are subtle hints that, if you enter a serious relationship, she is willing to leave bar work behind for a legitimate job.
Some ladies will pursue massage training, open a salon, or establish a small business in their village if given the opportunity; however, others may take the money and continue working in bars. Typically, you won’t discover her true intentions until you’ve begun financing her new venture and parted with your cash.
11. She does not answer your calls
When attempting to contact a Thai bar girl, you may find that she doesn’t answer your calls. The phone goes to voicemail repeatedly, and your messages remain unread. After a few hours, she may call back, claiming “Sorry, my phone didn’t have any battery” or a similar excuse.
In reality, she was likely spending time with another customer or her boyfriend. You may have suspicions, but disproving her claims can be quite difficult.
12. “I was late because of bad traffic”
If a lady is with one client and the session takes longer than expected, a common excuse is to claim she was delayed due to bad traffic. This is a classic and easy excuse to use when arriving late for a meeting.
Bear in mind that a ‘short time’ session might last only 30 minutes or less. If a lady is late for this amount of time, it might be because she has just serviced another client before reaching you. Using traffic as an excuse is an easy way to explain this scenario.
13. “He is only a friend”
If you peruse a bar girl’s social media profile or her phone’s camera roll, you’re likely to encounter photos of her with other customers.
Of course, she will insist that “he is only a friend.” Another common lie is to claim the man she was with is gay. The motivation for this deception is straightforward; she wants to appear single, perhaps hoping you will seek to fill that void and develop a romantic relationship.
14. “You are a handsome man”
No matter your appearance—you could be 85 years old and 100 kilograms overweight—a bar girl will still label you as a “handsome man”. She is simply trying to stroke your ego in hopes you will take a liking to her.
The “handsome man” phrase has become a running joke among visitors and expats in Pattaya, where every man is deemed handsome as he wanders the streets of Thailand.
15. “You have a good heart; I like you”
This line is another tactic to flatter clients; many bar girls will express sentiments like “You have a good heart, I like you; you are not like other guys.” Such compliments can help bar girls forge a ‘connection’ with their clients, making them believe the lady has deep feelings for them.
In most cases, the bar girl hopes her client will choose to spend more time with her rather than with other women, or she might be setting the stage for a long-term relationship. Both outcomes will typically yield her more money than a simple one-night encounter.
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Questions That Thai Bar Girls Ask Foreigners
Published: September 13, 2021 - Reading time: 7 minutes
» Updated: October 16, 2024
The women who work in bars in Thailand are far from unintelligent; many of them are, in fact, quite shrewd. They understand that finding the right man while working in a bar could lead to marriage and financial security for life. Many men who visit these bars fall for these women and ultimately become victims of the infamous ‘bar girl scam’.
Most bar girls know someone who has met a wealthy foreign husband through this line of work, and many are actively seeking a boyfriend or husband to support them.
After frequenting Thai bars, you’ll begin to notice that bar girls tend to ask a familiar set of questions. While these questions may initially seem like casual small talk, they often serve a deeper purpose—gathering information to assess the customer and his financial situation.
We’ve compiled a list of questions bar girls ask foreigners to better understand the underlying motivations and the information they seek.
What is your name and how old are you?
These are typically the first questions you’ll be asked in a Thai bar, after your drink order. “What’s your name?” and “How old are you?” serve as icebreakers, allowing the woman to introduce herself and initiate further conversation.
How many times have you been to Thailand?
This is a crucial question that can shape how the bar girl views her customer. If you respond that you've visited Thailand multiple times—say 10 or more—she’ll likely deduce that you're familiar with how things work. You’ve probably encountered other bar girls before and might even be aware of the scams they sometimes pull.
If it’s your first trip to Thailand, however, this will be music to her ears. First-time visitors are generally more trusting of what bar girls say and are potentially more vulnerable to scams.
TIP: If this is your first visit to Thailand, it’s best to keep that to yourself when talking to bar girls. Instead, claim you’ve been several times before.
Which hotel are you staying in?
This is another common question that may seem harmless but provides valuable insight into your financial standing. If you mention staying in a hostel or budget-friendly hotel, she’ll likely assume you don’t have much money to spend.
However, if you’re staying at a high-end hotel like The Hilton or another luxury establishment, it signals wealth. In this case, you may notice her level of interest rising.
Where do you work?
“Where do you work?” or “What you work?” (in broken English) is a direct way for her to gauge your social status and financial situation. If you say you work a low-paying job and have saved for years to holiday in Thailand, her interest in pursuing a long-term relationship may wane.
But if you mention you’re a CEO or a professional with a high-paying job, she’ll recognise that you have disposable income, which is exactly what she’s after.
Where do you come from?
While native English speakers can often distinguish accents—whether British, American, Australian, or South African—many Thai bar girls can’t, so they’ll ask directly where you’re from.
They also hold certain stereotypes about different nationalities, largely based on their own experiences or stories from friends. Generally, bar girls tend to prefer men from Western countries like the US, UK, Europe, or Australia.
How long are you staying in Thailand?
“How long is your holiday?” is another common question. If you’re only in Thailand for a week, the girl may assume your budget is more limited, and the timeframe for forming any kind of relationship is short.
However, if you’re staying for three or four weeks, it indicates that you can afford a longer holiday and might be a repeat visitor, making you more worthy of her attention.
What type of car do you drive?
Though seemingly an innocent question, it helps her form a clearer picture of your lifestyle and income.
While not all wealthy men drive flashy cars, those who don’t may be perceived as “cheap Charlies” by bar girls. Thai culture places significant importance on "saving face," and driving an expensive car, if possible, boosts one's social image. On the other hand, driving an old or budget car may be a turn-off.
Do you want a Thai girlfriend?
Some bar girls may ask this question quite directly, sometimes in a playful manner. If the answer is “yes,” it’s often seen as an open invitation for further advances, provided she sees you as financially viable.
However, finding a girlfriend in a Thai bar is never a good idea. Bar girls are always on the lookout for sponsors—men who will send them money while they continue working at the bar and seeing new clients.
Many bar girls also engage in scams, which can be very profitable for them but emotionally devastating for the men involved.
Why do bar girls ask these questions?
The questions mentioned above are typical small talk you’ll encounter while drinking in Thai bars. Bar girls ask these hundreds of times each month, gathering information to form an opinion about a customer’s wealth and suitability as a long-term partner or financial supporter.
“My girlfriend works in a Thai bar”
If your girlfriend works in a Thai bar, you may be in for trouble. Our investigations often reveal that many bar girls cheat on their boyfriends when they’re abroad.
Instead of blindly sending money to a Thai bar girl, you can hire us to check on her activities and uncover the truth. Our bar girl investigations typically save clients far more money than our professional fees.
Learn more about bar girl investigations.
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